Are Flips a Big Flop?

By Tom Clos on August 8, 2013

I admit it, I’ve never been a “sandals guy.”

When 90 percent of the free world is walking around in their pair of flip-flops throughout the dog days of summer, I’ve always preferred to wear shoes.

And when I’ve chosen sandals they’ve almost always been either some crummy Adidas or Nike “Velcro-top” set.

God I hate summer.

But this year was going to be different. This year I wanted to play along, put on my best face and become a “sandals guy.”

photo (17)

So I decided to head over to American Eagle back in the spring and pick up a couple of what I believed were “high-class” flip-flops (if there is such thing).

30 bucks later I had my pair and was ready to take on the 2013 heat wave as best dressed as possible.

A little more than a month ago I was to squire a lady-friend of mine to a night on the town in Chicago and I decided it was the perfect time to break out my pair of AE thongs to cap off my kick-ass outfit consisting of a white collard shirt and navy cargo shorts.

Little did I know “sandals guy” would last one night.

The first inclination I made the wrong fashion choice was when my friend made a crack about another guy wearing flip-flops as we were walking towards a bar:

She pointed to him as he crossed the street in front of us and remarked; “That’s pretty odd; guys wearing flip-flops are just weird.”

Ouch.

Of course, if my friend was a man I would have just shrugged off the comment and kept on with my night because let’s face it; most dudes are clueless when it comes to style.

But unfortunately my pal was a female so I took every fashion tip she offered as if it was the antidote to a poison I had just consumed.

Next, upon entering some dive establishment, the bouncer informed me that normally “we don’t allow people in here without shoes on.” I want to point out that this place was not Studio 54 or the Ritz, it was just some regular bar where seemingly hundreds of drunk kids were scattered across its dirty, film-covered floor.

Still, I was considered a second-class citizen because of my summer footwear.

Ouch.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch, but the whole time I was thinking whether or not it was just plain wrong to be wearing my AE’s.

So, this begs the question: Are guys allowed to wear flip-flops?

Now when I say “allowed” I don’t mean should there be any legal restrictions placed on the shoe but rather from a fashion standpoint; is it wrong?

I’ve always been a big believer that unless you are George Clooney or Brad Pitt (which if you are none of this applies to you) and can basically walk around with a trash bag over yourself and still get women, sandals are a big no-no.

The whole concept seems just a bit lazy, even for guys. You might as well go out in your morning slippers or barefoot. What’s the difference? And I have very large and particularly non-attractive feet so I almost look like if Krusty the Klown or Bozo took off their humongous clown shoes and put on sandals.

It just doesn’t look right.

Also, the noise flip-flops make as you walk (which is where the name is derived I guess) instantly takes any edge or attitude you might have with you and throws it out the window. If for instance you’re trying to pick up a girl or even just going to the store for some milk, you’re moxy, you’re spunk; it’s gone.

I went to the mall once in flip-flops and it did nothing but draw attention my way (not the good kind) as if I was a vacuum cleaner or something. There was no element of surprise or spontaneity and it felt pretty wrong to be walking in an enclosed shopping center with my feet out there for the world to see.

So it’s safe to say flips are a big flop.

Of course with everything there always must be an exception to the standard so I’ll outline three scenarios when it is acceptable for a man to wear flip-flops:

1.) A morning trek to get coffee or breakfast, but only from a fast service restaurant. No dining in.

2.) At the beach when you know you’ll be swimming or at least walking in the sand. Nope, the pool doesn’t count.

3.) A life or death emergency.

Anything outside those three situations and I’m afraid you just can’t pull off sandals without looking ridiculous.

So guys, BE FOREWARNED; I wanted to be a “sandals guy” and bought me a nice pair which ended up coming back and cramping my style.

Don’t make the same mistake I did, ditch the flip-flops and refrain from becoming the sandals guy until you’re 70, retired, and you’ve lost the will to dress well.

Because from what women tell me; “guys wearing flip-flops are just weird.”

By Tom Clos

Uloop Writer

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