10 Literary Pickup Lines And How To Turn Them Down

By Victoria Robertson on April 4, 2015

As college students, we’ve read all the classics, and maybe even squeezed in a couple series here and there in our busy schedules.

There aren’t many people out there that haven’t read the “Harry Potter” series or that haven’t had to suffer through “Romeo and Juliet” or “Pride and Prejudice” countless times throughout their academic careers.

So for those literary bookworms that are pretty sure they’ve read it all, here are 10 literary pickup lines and how to turn them down.

1. “I can be your Romeo so long as you’re my Juliet.”

There are several things wrong with this line. For one thing, what does it even mean to be Romeo and Juliet? That you’ll kill yourself for each other and end up with nothing? You do realize this is one of the greatest tragedies of all time, right?

How you should turn this line down: “I’m more like the Rosaline to your Romeo. Spoiler alert: we’re not going to end up together.”

2. “I’d like to Catch 22 of you.”

Ew, gag. For one thing, you should certainly think this one through before even thinking about saying it. I mean seriously, you want there to be 22 of this person? You’ll regret that the second you let the words leave your lips. This line practically turns itself down.

How you should turn this line down: “Good, then all 22 of us can turn you down at the same time, and maybe then you’ll get the hint.”

3. “I hear you have Great Expectations, but if you give me a chance, I’m sure I can live up to them.”

This isn’t the worst line I’ve ever heard, but it’s still not one worth entertaining. For one thing, I’ll bet the speaker didn’t even like the book, and if they did, they obviously have extremely boring taste. So they’re either a liar or a complete bore: neither option has much potential.

How you should turn this line down: “Since you thought that line was going to work, I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re probably wrong.”

4. “I can Sense you have a lot of Sensibility. I’m sorry, was that a little too Austen-tatious of me to say?”

This one’s clever, I’ll absolutely give the author that. But aside from this, you picked one of the most boring Jane Austen novels ever. “Sense and Sensibility?” Really? At least go traditional and pick “Pride and Prejudice” or something.

How you should turn this line down: “Sorry, but I have more Sense than Sensibility, which is exactly why I’m going to turn you down.”

5. “Is your name Scarlett? Because I swear, when I saw you, I was Gone With The Wind.”

One, almost no one is named Scarlett anymore. So why you’re opening with that question, I have no idea. What happens when she says no? You look stupid and you’re going home alone.

Two, saying you’re “Gone With The Wind” just leaves too much room for her to turn you down. This line’s a mistake and you know it.

How you should turn this line down: “That’s so interesting, because I really want you to be Gone With The Wind, too.”

6. “I’d do Wild Things wherever you Are.”

You’re coming on way too strong. This is a children’s book and you’re trying to throw in sexual innuendos? Are you kidding me? Not only does this line deserve to be turned down, but it deserves a slap in the face as well. You disgust me.

How you should turn this line down: “That’s great! There’s something really wild I was hoping you could do for me right now: disappear.”

7. “If you say yes, our love story could be the next Nicholas Sparks novel.”

I’m sorry, stop right there. Are you seriously suggesting that starting out a relationship with a line this cheesy could possibly lead to a love story so fantastic, a major motion picture starring Zac Efron or Channing Tatum could be made out of it? That’s what I thought.

How you should turn this line down: “In that case, I’m going to go ahead and say no.”

8. “If you’re going to bed, mind if I Slytherin?”

Props on the “Harry Potter” reference, but aside from that, this line is all wrong. For one thing, it’s too suggestive for a young adult novel, for another thing, you chose to use the bad guys in your pickup line? That’s so wrong.

How you should turn this line down: “Why don’t you make like the invisibility cloak and disappear?”

9. “If I were a werewolf, I’d want to imprint on you.”

As if the “Twilight” reference wasn’t enough to lose you points, the fact that you don’t really understand the concept of imprinting would do you in. You can’t choose who you imprint on. Read the book.

How you should turn this line down: “Sorry, I’m team Edward.”

10. “Are you looking for a relationship, because if you are, I volunteer as tribute.”

As much as I love “The Hunger Games,” the volunteering as tribute thing is a little overdone. Plus, volunteering as tribute isn’t meant to be a good thing. Did you even read the book?

How you should turn this line down: “If I was stuck in that arena with you, I’d step off the platform just to get away.”

There are countless more literary pickup lines that are sure to be thrown around from time to time, so pay attention to them. And I encourage you to get creative when turning them down.

There really isn’t much more satisfying than that.

Victoria is a dedicated writer who graduated from the University of Illinois with a Bachelor of Arts in English. She currently writes freelance pieces for various sites and works in Marketing for Myndbee Inc., promoting their current mobile app, Picpal.

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