100 Thoughts I Had As A Non-Football Fan Watching The Super Bowl

By Isabelle Garreaud on February 9, 2016

Photo taken by me

I grew up in a divided household. My mom is a big New York Giants fan. My dad and brother are Philadelphia Eagles fans. My mom has always been a big football fan and I knew that every Sunday, she couldn’t be bothered when a game was on.

I own an authentic Eli Manning Giants Jersey, my mom’s way of making sure my dad and brother didn’t make me an Eagles fan. You would think growing up in a football-loving family, I would love the sport myself, or, at least, know enough to follow along.

Yet, that didn’t happen.

Instead, I chose the other sport my family loved: baseball. I can name all the teams in both leagues, all the player’s names and numbers on the New York Yankees. I can tell you exactly how the game is played, the positions, and all the rules that make up the game. No one can bother me when I am watching the games and postseason is the most stressful, exciting time of my life.

Yet, if you ask me any simple football question, I will be the cliché dumb girl who doesn’t get sports. I don’t mind, though, because I can destroy you with my knowledge of baseball.

Anyway, I know the Super Bowl is a big game and the parties are fun with good food. Normally, I do work or talk with people while the game is playing and then pay attention during the commercials and halftime show (honestly, the only reason why most people watch).

This year, though, I decided to actually pay attention to the game itself (I haven’t done that since my mom forced me to watch when the Giants were in the Super Bowl), but I decided to make it more entertaining by recording my reactions.

Enjoy the 100 thoughts I had while watching the Super Bowl.

1. OK, so Broncos are orange, Panthers are blue. I got this.
2. Why are they playing in California instead of Denver or North Carolina? That makes no sense.
3. Oooo, this referee is kinda cute.
4. I saw a butt slap. There should be a drinking game where you take a shot every time this happens.
5. YEAH! GO AMERICA! (After the national anthem.)
6. Such an intense coin toss.
7. Lol, it’s always tails.
8. Oooo the Panthers won. Wait … what does that even mean?
9. I figured it out. Panthers get to kick the ball first.
10. Now, that was a nice kick.
11. Are you supposed to get tackled that quickly? That was like two seconds.
12. OK, that’s got to hurt.
13. Oooo that guy did a weird dance move. Guess he did a good thing.
14. WHY WOULD YOU RUN INTO THE BIG PACK OF MEN?
15. Are you allowed to flip people on their back like that?
16. Lol, that dude just slam dunked that ball away from the other dude.
17. WAIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED? HOW DID THEY SCORE?
18. That player is really happy. Running around, fist pumping.
19. Someone threw something at me and I caught it. I could totally do football.
20. Why do they keep replaying that scene? Why is this important? Why can’t we move on?
21. Oh look, the Broncos did the thing. Good for them. TOUCHDOWN!
22. WHY DO THEY GET TO KICK IT THROUGH AGAIN?
23. Seems pretty easy … they should just give them the point every time.
24. I’ve seen a woman on Black Friday hold onto something longer than these guys holding a football.
25. Seriously, replace the ball with a pair of shoes, and it’s basically Black Friday shopping.
26. I love how proud the players get when they do that good thing.
27. Do you think the players get sad that they can’t watch the commercials?
28. Oooo that was a good move. Sliding like that so the other dude can’t tackle you.
29. Lol, Referee basically doing the hand jive with all those signals.
30. Where the hell is the ball? Maybe the camera should zoom in on the ball instead of people’s sweaty faces.
31. OMG THAT GUY JUST GRABBED HIM AND THREW HIM ASIDE.
32. Hahaha, the Panther guy who got the touchdown actually did the hand jive. Something we never got to see during “Grease” live.
33. THE TWO DUDES DOING RAP DANCE MOVES WITH EACH OTHER, LOL.
34. This coach is so mad. He just yelled, “PAY ATTENTION TO THE F*CKING GAME!”
35. Lip reading skills come in handy when watching football.
36. Wow, both of those guys managed to not catch anything but their other hand.
37. Why is there so much butt touching?
38. Do you really need that many guys to knock one guy down?
39. Lol, his “you mad bro?” face.
40. RUN FOREST RUN! Err I mean, run Norwood run!
41. Aw, that one guy trying to give him the Gatorade but gets ignored. I SEE YOU!
42. Is that dude wearing an earring? That just seems like a bad idea when you are getting tackled …
43. What the hell is that yellow thing someone just threw? Was that intentional?
44. No one seemed that excited about that Bronco touchdown …
45. I would NOT want to get tackled by that guy.
46. Why do you have to just throw the ball aside when you go into the sidelines? You could just hand it to someone … don’t be lazy.
47. Dudeeeeeee. That guy just hacky-sacked the ball into his hand. Now that was cool.
48. Seriously, do you need these many people on the sidelines? Like who are you?
49. Lol when a player trips over another player.
50. Does anyone have any idea what half these signals mean?
51. For football players, they sure can jump really high.
52. He totally just laid on top of that guy’s face. Pretty sure that’s a no-no.
53. Yay! Finally, the halftime show. The reason anyone actually puts up with this game.
54. That Formation, though, omg!
55. This halftime show was so much better than last year’s (no offense, Katy Perry).
56. Aw, the football is back on.
57. How much longer is this? I have homework to do.
58. The game would go so much faster if the clock didn’t have to stop every two seconds.
59. If you take away their aggressive faces, those two after the tackle totally looked like they were spooning.
60. Does that player really need someone else to squirt Gatorade in his mouth?
61. Totally makes sense why they gotta wear those tights although the game would be a lot more interesting if everyone kept getting pants.
62. I love how they all casually walk away after someone gets tackled.
63. I don’t know why everyone is so worried about baseball players being on steroids. Have you seen these football players? Like damn.
64. Wait, when did the score change?!?
65. Do you think Beyoncé stayed for the rest of the game?
66. Is that guy hurt? What the hell just happened? Why is that non-hurt guy mad? WHAT IS GOING ON?
67. How do these guys not have grass stains?
68. Butts butts butts.
69. What the hell is going on? Why did everyone jump on top of each other? What does that accomplish besides looking stupid?
70. Lol, these referees trying to pull these big men off each other.
71. Is it just me or do all the players look like they are running on their toes?
72. Everyone thinks baseball is boring because instead of one big game at the end, we have a maximum of seven but, at least, the games aren’t four freaking hours long.
73. I wouldn’t chew gum while playing football if I were you.
74. When will this freaking game end, omg.
75. Why does five minutes left of the game have to take 987,654,323,456 hours?
76. *Angrily takes off chin strap.*
77. What even caused that guy to trip? NO ONE TOUCHED HIM.
78. Why do they keep focusing on this gum chewing Newton dude? I don’t think he likes it very much.
79. I didn’t even see the ball but whatever, everyone is yelling touchdown.
80. Lol all those Panther fans ain’t looking too happy.
81. That coach is going to need one large chill pill.
82. Somebody getting fired tonight.
83. Oooo the touchdown is “under review.”
84. I don’t know football, but it looks pretty legit to me.
85. All of those Panther people praying.
86. Anddddd it’s declared a touchdown.
87. Aw they’re so cute when they score.
88. Wait isn’t that Eli Manning up there with his family? Why aren’t you cheering? BE A SUPPORTIVE BROTHER.
89. I wonder how hungry these guys are. They have been playing for four hours.
90. Why did he just throw the ball where literally NO ONE PLAYER WAS?
91. Oooo is that the trophy? Way to taunt the Panthers.
92. Omg, two freaking minutes left. Let’s go!
93. Wait, is it over? Everyone is like hugging each other.
94. Oh … one more minute. Ugh.
95. Gee I wonder what they are going to do with that water cooler
96. Is it possible to score 14 points in 30 seconds? No? THEN WHY CAN’T THEY JUST END IT?
97. Give the Panthers some dignity.
98. JUST FINISH THE GAME ALREADY SO WE CAN ALL GO HOME
99. Finally. It’s over! The Broncos won! The confetti is out!
100. The football season has officially ended. BRING ON BASEBALL!!!!!!!!!!

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